Personal Note

For all of the males reading who simply don't understand girls and their emotions, I apologize in advance for this post. (heck, I don't even understand myself half the time!!!)

I just wanted to share on a more personal note that this week has been really hard for me emotionally and I promise I will make it relate to the fitness journey--not sure why it happened THIS WEEK, but I think that when someone has experienced major life changes that cause grief, but you're so busy that you don't ever have time to deal with it, it tends to come crashing down all at once.

Between losing my grandma and the changes that came with that, having my good friend/head soccer coach leave and therefore having to take over the program at FCHS, losing my good friend/co-worker Erin (she moved to CA), finding out a close friend of mine has cancer, dealing with the every day challenges that a job brings and having to realize that this MIGHT just be an OFF year, learning AS I GO how to tutor 5th grade math, realizing that when you embark on a journey like this not everyone will understand and you will, therefore, develop some enemies who say cruel and ridiculous things about you (that is a totally new thing for me, but I'm learning to embrace it and let it motivate me to get in even better shape), and the confusion as to what in the world I do next with my love for fitness (see I told ya I would bring it back to the point of this blog), I have just been thrown in to a whirlwind of emotions!!!!

So, because of that, and not that that is a good excuse, I have been on edge and more prone to stressing out, which caused me to suddenly this week start worrying about whether I will be ready for this competition. I am new at this, so I am not sure what you're "supposed" to look like at 15 weeks out, 12 weeks out, etc. I'm also quite the perfectionist at times and am forgetting that I WILL get better at the poses the more I practice. It will not happen overnight. Patience has never been a virtue of mine, so maybe that is yet another reason it's good for me to get into this lifestyle. You HAVE to be patient in order to be successful and see the best results. If you rush things, it just does not work.

All that being said, I am still super motivated and so glad I embarked on this journey. I would not have started it if I did not believe I could do it. I have NO REASON to doubt because I have made some awesome progress. I am getting stronger, I have set personal records, I can see more definition, I have lost about 12 pounds since I started dieting in December (might be a bit much--that should slow down from here on out), and I have already gotten better at the posing when you compare how I was that first day--haha!!!!

Thanks to everyone who has supported me so much by listening to me vent and offering advice and encouraging me to keep up the good work. I cannot rely totally on all of that--my motivation has to come from within, too, but it has been all of that support that has gotten me through this last week when I just--did not have the emotional strength to think clearly!!!! But today is a new day, I have a fresh outlook and am ready to step things up a bit next week when Josh changes up the workouts=) It's only going to get harder, but I know I can do it=)